


Stars In A Glass Of Whiskey

by KassandraScarlett



Series: Female Tony Stark Works [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Female Tony Stark, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Science Bros, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-11 21:56:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15325221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KassandraScarlett/pseuds/KassandraScarlett
Summary: Bruce is in love with Toni, who has no idea. Toni is in love with Bruce, who also has no idea. Toni gets hurt in her fight with the Hulk, thanks to Maximofff messing with his mind, and Bruce panics and leaves. So what next?





	1. Chapter 1

Bruce figured he was one of the only two men in the world _(the other one being Colonel Rhodes)_ , who wouldn't think to use the word ' _beautiful_ ' to describe Toni. Not that it wasn't true; even in her late thirties, Antonia Stark, with her long, plaited hair and sharp features, was one of the most gorgeous women he'd never known. But it wasn't what came to mind when he thought of her. No, that would be ' _safety_ '.

  From the moment they'd first met, when she'd gripped his hand, praised his work and expressed undue admiration for the Hulk, he'd felt safe around her. That feeling hadn't gone away when she'd poked and prodded at him in the lab, trying to deliberately bring the Hulk out. It had intensified when she'd made him the tempting offer of visiting her tower and labs _(Toni Stark's lab! Any scientist's wet dream! Candyland indeed!)._ Then when she actually forced him into her car, he'd realized the near-impossible had come true: he had a friend.

  Of course, he'd spent a few months walking around on eggshells, careful of anything that might break his good streak. But, Toni's constant nagging, Pepper's kind countenance and Rhodey's easy acceptance relaxed him and he found a new sense of peace.

 

* * *

 

  He wasn't sure when it happened exactly. Or _how_. But at some point, he found his heart slowing down to a near stop whenever Toni met his gaze with a ferocious intelligence that shone even through several holographic screens. Alternatively, it sped up to alarming levels when she danced around the lab, her hips swinging in those damned black jeans. That would have been bothersome enough, that surge of lust and primal attraction he felt.

 But even more dangerous was the way his breath caught when he found her chattering away to her bots and JARVIS, or mumbling nonsense into a cup of coffee. More frightening was the tightening in his chest whenever he carried her to her bedroom after finding her asleep at her worktable, the longing to keep his arms around her and her breath against the hollow of his neck. It didn't help that she would sleepily clutch at his shirt every time, and his own fingers would fight him as he attempted to free himself from her hold.

  It was a nice metaphor; she held his common sense and sanity _(and his heart, though he refused to acknowledge that)_ in her small, rough fingers and he couldn't decide whether he wanted it back or not.

  So he did what he did best. He ran. Or, he tried to.

  "Leave those bags, Bruce, we've got to finish stabilizing those equations."

  "No, Toni, I need to-"

  "No, no, no. You don't want the lab to blow up because we didn't get the math right, do you? Help me set them straight, then you can go. Heck, I'll come with you. We'll make a science-y date out of it. Come on."

 

* * *

 

  Guilt. Guilt was the primary emotion he felt as Toni tried to convince him to help. He was only half-paying attention to the conversation. Most of his mind was focused on the cuts and bruises running down her arms, some on her legs that were hidden by her jeans. Wounds that he'd caused, no matter the witch had manipulated him. It was still him who'd caused the damage. The Hulk. _Him_. Bruce Banner. Even if Toni didn't see it that way. _Especially_ because she didn't see it that way.

  "You want me to help you put JARVIS in this thing?"

  "Of course, not," Toni waved away the suggestion and he breathed easy. Until she continued. " _I_ want to help _you_ put JARVIS into this thing."

  He shot her an unimpressed stare and she smiled sheepishly, spreading her hands in a helpless gesture. "I'm out of my depth here, biotechnology is your alley," she explained. "I can do it if I have the time to study, but I don't. I need you to do this, please."

  He stared at her a little too long, counting the ever-changing number of gray flecks around her pupils, then nodded and worked. At the same time, as Toni sighed in relief and took up her own share of the work, he planned.

  It was a cruel joke, really. He'd left Betty, his first love, because he couldn't stand the thought of hurting her. Now, here was Toni, a woman who made him feel the same way times ten, and he had already hurt her. He'd been too late in leaving and the consequences were tearing him into pieces.

  He thanked God he'd never told Toni how he felt. That way, his leaving, while painful, wouldn't break her heart. It was the only silver lining.

 

* * *

 

  "FRIDAY, baby, pull up a tracking algorithm and calibrate it for a steady cloud of gamma radiation, please," was the first thing Toni said as she entered the Tower after having handed in her resignation from the Avengers. "But bury it deep when you find him and notify me if you think there's something fishy going on, like other interested parties, namely New Shield, getting too close."

  " _Of course, boss_ ," the Irish voice answered. " _Would you like regular updates as well_?"

  "Yeah, but only if I'm alone, or on the earpiece if I've got company. I don't want anybody else to get even a sniff of where Br-" she faltered. "Where he is."

  " _Yes, boss_."

  Toni wondered how she'd let herself get so deluded, so desperate, that she'd convinced herself of some sort of spark between her and Bruce. Was she really _that_ desperate for love? Surely not, she couldn't have made it all up. Had she really imagined the lingering touches when they passed stuff to each other? The heat in his eyes when she got in his space, the way his gaze would flick over her legs, waist, neck and lips before focusing on his work? No, it was all in her head. He couldn't have felt anything for her or he wouldn't have left after the battle. Unless, he was... Or maybe... No. ' _Stop it, Stark_ ,' she scolded herself.

  She rubbed a hand over her chest where the arc reactor had been. There was a coiled space inside that was making it difficult to breathe. She tried to shake it off, as FRIDAY spoke up again. " _Boss, I've got him. The Hulk is currently swimming in the Pacific. He seems to be making his way towards India. I believe Dr Banner will reappear once he nears the shore."_

  Toni tried to respond, she really did. But the ache was getting worse and right then, her eyes fell on the photo frame hanging on the wall. It was of her and Bruce, taken by Clint right after Thor had dragged Loki back to Asgard. They were in her red Audi convertible and Toni's arm was around Bruce, who'd turned to smile widely at her as she threw her head back, laughing. Even then, she'd already opened up to him more than anyone else. Maybe a part of her had been in love with him from the very beginning.

  Toni's knees buckled and she clutched at her shirt as she gasped for breath, sudden tears streaming down her face. It hurt; God, it hurt and the only cure for it was halfway around the world. She could go to him. She knew where he was and it would be a one day trip to India. But, she couldn't. Not when Bruce would resent her for it. Not when he didn't feel safe around here. Or around _her_ , maybe. She wasn't _that_ selfish.

  So she cried. She sobbed and screamed her throat raw what seemed like hours, but really only minutes, until the voice at the edge of her conscious grew more forceful. " _BOSS_!"

  "Yeah... Yeah, FRI?"

  " _Boss, you're... You're scaring me. I don't... I don't what to do. Tell me how to help_?"

  The plaintive note in FRIDAY's voice jerked her back to reality. Her girl was scared because of her and that wouldn't do. "It's okay, baby," she whispered. ' _Pull yourself together, Antonia,'_ she told herself sternly. ' _Take care of your daughter_.'

   "You're doing fine, baby girl," she said again. "I'm just damaged goods. If I get like that again, I'll tell you how to handle it. You can look into... Into JARVIS's database if you want to know more. Or you can learn in the job. Your choice."

  She couldn't let herself think about Bruce anymore. She had a company to run, a group of superheroes to politically represent _(clueless though they were about that part)_ and a new AI to raise. She could keep busy. She could do this. She had to do this.


	2. Chapter 2

  "Kam, watch your right. Peter, get in his blind side," Toni ordered into the mic, safe behind the glass as she watched Peter and Kamala spar with Loki, though it was obvious the dark-haired trickster was toying with them.

  "Antonia, when did you say Jane would be back?"

  Thor and Dr Strange stood on either side of Toni and she exchanged an exasperated glance with the latter before saying, "Thor, we've been through this. She's in Croatia, she won't be back for a few days. You could have just gone with her."

  "She didn't want me to come," Thor grumbled.

  This time, Stephen groaned. "No, Thor. She only said that because she didn't want to inconvenience you. She'd be delighted if you were to accompany her. Though I can't imagine why," he mumbled the last part. Toni immediately elbowed him sharply, which only resulted in her rubbing her arm, as Stephen smirked.

  "Tell you what." She turned back to Thor. "Pepper's heading out to DC in a while. Go with her. I'll tell the pilot to head over to Croatia after dropping her off."

  Thor gave her a delighted hug, that had her choking slightly, before dashing off, presumably to reach the airfield in time. Stephen and Toni were left in the observation box, watching the on-going practice. The last one year had been hard, after the Civil War, after Ste- _Rogers_ disappeared _(ran off to Wakanda)_ with the rest of his yes-men. Toni had been left alone to deal with the public fallout, the Accords' Committee, the responsibility of finding new members who would abide by the law, thus keeping the Avengers Initiative running. Then Thor had shown up, with a reformed Loki, an alcoholic Valkyrie _(Toni had done her research)_ , a new haircut and one eye less. She'd housed them all in the Compound with her, having kept the Tower for employee purposes only.

  Still, the trouble and hard-work had been more than worth it. She had a new found partnership with Hope van Dyne and, subsequently, with Pym Industries, much to to the chargrin of Hank Pym. She had four kid superheroes in training: Peter Parker, Kamala Khan, Riri Williams, Sam Alexander. She had a partner in crime in Loki. A soon-to-be sister-in-law in Carol Danvers, thanks to Rhodey. A brother-like figure in Thor. And Stephen, unsurprisingly, had become her closest friend and confidant. Everything was perfect, except...

  "Thinking about Dr Banner?" Stephen nudged her gently. Toni started, realising she'd been blankly gazing at the mic.

  "Trying not to," she answered honestly. It was true. She hadn't lost track of him, of course, not once in two years. She knew he was currently in India, hadn't left the country at all. She still missed him like a cut-off limb. But she didn't think of him. She couldn't. Not when the alternative hurt so badly. Stephen understood. Contrary to popular belief fueled by his asshole-ish attitude, Stephen understood heartache. So he stayed quiet and everything would have progressed as normal... If FRIDAY hadn't spoken up.

  " _Boss, a group of ten hired shots have teamed up to try and detain Dr Banner_." She sounded panicked and Toni felt her blood freeze. " _My sources say they were recently hired and put together by General Ross. They're a rough six hours from his position. If you take the jet, you can get there just in time."_

  For two horribly long seconds, Toni stood still, her mind reeling with one fact: _Bruce was in danger._ Then her instincts and brains kicked in.

  "Ready the jet, FRI. Then set up a call with the Indian Defence Minister or their UN liaison and explain the situation." She turned to Stephen. "You can take care of the kids? Loki will be here too." She spoke in short, clipped sentences and he nodded, his handsome features grim.

  Toni turned and ran out to the airfield, her thoughts set on arriving fast enough to avoid a Code Green.

 

* * *

 

  In hindsight, Bruce really should have seen this coming. The first time he'd disappeared, General Ross' involvement in the Super Soldiers Program had drawn him out in two years. The second time, he'd managed another two years before Natasha had found him and brought him in for SHIELD. So, really, it shouldn't have come as a surprise that he'd just made it two years in hiding before he found himself surrounded by ten stocky men, all armed and with menacing glares.

  "I'm sure you all feel completely justified in your reasoning for this," he tried to say calmly. "But please believe me when I tell you: I'm not the man you're looking for." It was a feeble lie; if they were indeed hired by Ross, they would be familiarised with his features.

  One of them sneered. "If you're really the wrong person, I'm sure you'll have no problem coming back with us just so higher-ups can clarify."

  It was probably a futile thought to even try keeping calm. He could feel his heartbeat escalating, panic and worry not helping. In less than a minute, the Hulk would make an appearance. His eyes, he was sure, were already green.

  Then, just as the final vestiges of his control were about to snap, three loud sounds he never thought he'd hear again rang clear across the empty street: Shoot To Thrill, blaring from megaphone speakers; the sound of repulsors; and a familiar voice calling out, "Easy there, big guy. We don't wanna ruin this nice little place right now."

  The Hulk growled, wanting to greet an old friend, but stayed back, heeding the warning. Bruce, for his part, could do nothing but gape as Iron Woman herself landed in front of him as the song tapered off, repulsors alight and aimed at the hit-men, all of whom now had very alarmed looks on their faces. They obviously hadn't planned on an Avenger showing up; much less one of the two leaders.

  "Let's do this the easy way, fellas," the amplified voice yawned out, like she was deathly bored. "You all put down your weapons, apologize to the good doctor and let the army take you into custody. They're all just waiting for my signal anyway. You do that; I'll try not to release your aliases on the internet. You wanna do this hard way? Well." she shrugged. "You can brag about going out in style at the hands of Iron Woman in the afterlife. So what's it gonna be?"

  For a moment, Bruce foolishly wondered if they would actually try to fight back. But no, even hired guns had working brain cells. Every one of them clicked on their safeties and tossed the guns towards the side before getting on their knees, their movements exaggeratedly slow. Bruce didn't spot the signal Toni had mentioned, but half a second later, a dozen or so men in uniform marched out from the buildings and nearby streets, moving quickly and efficiently to cuff them. One soldier, a greying man with gentle features turned to Iron Woman.

  "You'll take care of the doctor, Miss Stark?"

  "Sure thing, Sergeant Rai."

  The Sergeant nodded and followed his men with a last salute, leaving Bruce alone with Toni.

  "Come on," Toni said. Bruce flinched at the coldness of her voice. "The jet's waiting in the air, I'll have to fly you."

  She stepped towards him and he came back to his senses. "Toni, no, I can't-"

  "Shut up!"

  Bruce fell silent, his jaw dropping at the sharp reprimand. Toni had never been so angry at him, not that he could blame her right now.

  "Ross sent these guys to kill you. I've been trying to pin that guy for over a year now and the final piece is to get a first-hand witness, willing to testify. But I'm not cruel enough to use a man's own daughter against him, no matter how much he deserves it, or how eager she is to see him locked up. So, either you come in with me right now-" she paused to take a deep breath. "-Or I'll have to go after Dr Elizabeth Ross and ask her to come in."

  Bruce didn't have anything to say to that. He understood where she was coming from; even he wanted to see Ross behind bars. But Betty had been through enough because of him and her own father. She shouldn't have to do this.

  "Okay," was all he whispered and Toni came up to place her arms around his waist.

  "I need you to hold on, big guy," she crooned, her voice a complete turnabout from her earlier tone. "Don't freak out and make a sudden appearance, please."

  She was speaking with the Hulk. As soon as Bruce realized this, he was suddenly yanked into the air, cold metal pressed into his shirt, the feeling of weightlessness making him close his eyes. Then, a solid surface under him and he looked around to see he was inside a quinjet. Stumbling, he sat down against a wall as Toni fiddled with the dash. Soon, they were headed West, to New York.

  Bruce didn't bother with trying to avoid looking at Toni. He stared at her intently, trying to get a read on her through the armour. That, at least, he could see was different, just like he'd guessed from glimpses on news channels. It wasn't exactly subtle of course, but the flashy red and gold had given way to a deep shade of crimson and dark silver. It was slimmer than before, more fitted, almost moulded to her body shape. The mask was as cold and emotionless as ever, but he could still feel her returned stare.

  The silence was stifling. Bruce usually didn't mind quiet, but right now, he needed some confirmation that he wasn't actually dreaming. Because, really, first Shield, now her? How the hell did these people keep finding him? Not that he would ask, or that she would answer. Still, he needed to talk. "I would have signed the Accords." Even the armour flinched and Bruce berated himself for not picking another topic. Too late now. "I know Ross was heavily involved, but as long as you were too, I would have signed."

  "Oh, I see," Toni snapped. "So you aren't going to lecture me on how I was a government lackey and that I should have bowed down to Captain Self-Righteous America?" She gave a derisive snort. "That's a nice surprise."

  "Just because Ross was involved, doesn't mean the Accords were wrong," Bruce explained softly. "Especially not if you were supporting them. I would have signed because I'd have trusted you." He paused. "I do trust you."

  "You trusted me?" Toni laughed harshly, the sound reverberating through the mask. "Good to know. That's why you left, of course."

  "I didn't-" he cut himself off. It wasn't surprising that she thought like that. And he couldn't explain his reason for leaving without telling her the whole truth, without confessing that he...

  "Take off the armour, please," he requested instead. The empty eyes of the mask gave away nothing. " _Please_ ," he repeated. He didn't want to have to beg, but then, he was ready to do even that just to see Toni properly.

  There was a long moment in which she seemed to be weighing her options. Then the armour melted into her skin, disappearing completely like it had never done before and Toni was left standing two feet in front of him.

  Bruce could have sworn time stopped right then, as he took in a sight that had haunted his dreams for two years. Toni had cut her hair, so it curled around her face and on her shoulders. Apart from that, she looked exactly the same as she had when he'd last seen her.

_Almost_.

  There was a new depth to her dark gold eyes and more smile lines around her eyes and lips. He could spot a few strands of silver hair just around her ears and there was a recent burn mark peeking out from under her shirt. She looked...

  "You look good," he ventured, his voice tight with suppressed emotions. _Beautiful_ , he corrected internally. Perfect. Safe. _Home_.

  "You've looked better," she shot back, but Bruce could see the corner of her mouth lifting into a small smile and knew it was just in jest, though true.

  "Knowing you, I'm sure you'll have me fed and groomed in no time," he chuckled.

  She laughed a little, something shy hovering at the edge of it. "You know it, honey," she retorted and Bruce had to remind himself that this was temporary. As soon as his part was over and Ross was captured, he'd be in the wind again. Two years apart hadn't changed anything. He couldn't afford to get used to the easy camaraderie that came with the engineer. He couldn't go through that pain again when he left a second time.

 

* * *

 

  "No, _no_ , he's a freak, he's a monster! You can't do this!"

  Bruce watched the video for the fifth time, feeling a morbid satisfaction as he focused on Ross screaming vitriol as armed guards dragged him from the courtroom. The court and the media and the public had all been shocked when he'd made an appearance some twenty days ago. Ross had been furious, glaring at Bruce in a way that made him shiver at the pure hatred emanating from him. He'd almost turned and ran, but Toni had kept a steady hand at his back, a small point of contact that grounded him, helped him focus. The eye-witness accounts he provided were invaluable and, in the capable hands of Toni and the SI lawyers, all they'd needed to lock up Ross.

  "How many more times are you going to watch that?"

  Bruce looked down at the pair of legs sticking out from under the car. A hand came out as well.

  "Hand me the wrench."

  They were sitting in Toni's lab, where Bruce had spent most of his time, when he wasn't eating or sleeping. He'd met the team once or twice, he'd liked them, too. They were obviously much better together than the original Avengers could ever have been. But then he'd met Dr Strange and there had been a bright flare of jealousy as the doctor-turned-sorcerer whispered something in Toni's ear that made her giggle and peck him on the cheeks. He really, truly, honestly didn't those kind of feelings.

  "I still can't quite believe it," he explained, as he found the wrench and placed it in Toni's hand. It disappeared again and Bruce resumed his seat near the front tires of the car. "I've been running from him for so long and now that he won't ever come after me again... It's kinda surreal."

  "Well, you'd better believe it, Brucie-bear!" Toni sang out.

  That was another thing. With his obvious ease around Toni, all their old inside jokes and references and her inanely ridiculous nicknames had come back as well. It was just so easy to fall back into that precious teasing friendship, that Bruce kept forgetting that this was temporary. He really did need to leave soon. His self-restraint was slipping with every passing day. He kept catching himself smiling softly as Toni went on her rants, at him or the bots. He couldn't stop watching her from the corner of his eye as she worked on whatever project, occasionally mumbling to herself about three different things at the same time. Often he found his fingers twitching and reaching for her to tug her close. And sometimes, he considered, as Toni slid out from under the vehicle and sat up in front of him, when she was silent and just looking at him calculatingly, like now, he couldn't tear his eyes away from her, helplessly staring back and hoping that everything he felt for her wasn't painted so obviously on his face.

  "Bruce," she began, in a whisper. They were close, almost too close. He glanced down lightning quick; he could take hold of her hand if he just moved it a little to the right.

  "You know I..." She trailed off, looking unsure, and anticipation hammered under Bruce's skin as he waited for her to continue because there were so many ways that sentence could go and he wasn't sure which one he wanted more. He didn't even know if he wanted her to finish.

  " _Boss_."

  The abruptly spoken Irish accent startled them both and Bruce realized with shock what could have happened.

  " _Boss, I'm sorry, but Ms Potts is demanding you get dressed and ready immediately. Dr Strange is already prepared and is waiting for you on the common area_." Was that his imagination or did the AI genuinely sound remorseful?

  Toni gave a frustrated sigh, running her fingers through her hair. "Tell him I'll be up in a minute," she answered and when she looked back at Bruce, she smiled sadly. "A semi-formal doctors' convention," she explained. "Stephen is the guest speaker and he needed a date. His girlfriend had a shift at the hospital tonight, so I offered to accompany him. I'd ask you to come, but..." She trailed off with a weak smirk.

  "But I don't want to third wheel," he finished for her. Toni eyed him pensively, before sharply nodding.

  "See you in the morning, Bruce," she said and Bruce closed his eyes as she kissed him softly on the top of his head before leaving.

' _No, you won't_ ,' he whispered in his own head.

 

* * *

 

  Bruce honestly wanted to kick himself sometimes. Of course, Toni would have guessed he was planning on leaving tonight. Of course, she would have returned from the convention early and waited up for him at the entrance of the Compound, instead of going to bed. Of course, she would be willing to get herself drenched in the rain just to stop him.

  But he hadn't anticipated any of that and had started to make his way across the Compound's front lawn at one in the morning, confident that Toni wouldn't be back for another half hour. He was alone in the Compound, for once. Even Thor and Loki had skipped off to Asgard for something. So, with the whole area plunged into darkness, he didn't even spot the lone figure sitting on the front steps of the building, leaning against the wall.

  He was merely a quarter of the way through to the gate when he heard, "Finally at the end of the rope, then?"

  He flinched badly and started thinking of ways to kick himself. Without bothering to turn around, he sighed a single word as easily as breathing: "Toni."

  He could hear her footsteps on the wet tarmac and turned to face her. He regretted it immediately. She hadn't changed, so she was wearing a dark green tank top that contrasted with the arc reactor's glow, with a fitted black skirt falling just to her knees. Her hair was loose and wet and her make-up immaculate in spite of the rain, but when Bruce forced his gaze to move up from her lips, he could see the darkness in her eyes.

  "Don't know why I'm surprised," she mumbled. "I mean, almost everybody leaves. I just..." She shrugged, like she was trying to stay aloof. "I really thought you'd stay this time. I thought you... Well, I've been wrong before."

  The soft confession made Bruce shake and he was overcome with the urge to explain, just a little bit. "It's dangerous for me to stay here, Toni," he explained, in a low, dark voice. "It's not safe and you know that."

  A brittle smile appeared on her face. "And here I thought you trusted me," she commented dryly and Bruce felt something snarl in his mind. "Or was that just a useless lie to appease me?"

  It was those words, more than anything, that made something in him snap, an anger that had nothing to do with the Hulk. Before he could stop himself, he was closing the distance between them, his voice trembling for God knows what reason as he finally started actually talking to her.

  "I trust you to stand up for me when everyone in the room wants to take a shot," he growled. "I trust you to keep me safe and do your damnedest to protect me from Ross and anyone else who might be after me. I trust you to hold a gun in your hand and not point it at me for any reason whatsoever." He watched with grim pleasure as her eyes widened in surprise. "I trust you not to lie or manipulate. I trust you to see past the monster, that everyone else focuses on, and actually look at me. I trust you with my _life_ , Antonia Evelyn Stark, so don't you _dare_ insinuate that I don't! What I can't trust you with," he was practically yelling at her now. "Is your own damn life! I can't trust you to keep yourself safe and I know you'd never hurt me even if it meant getting hurt yourself. I can deal with the rest of the world being stupid, I can deal with my guilt if I hurt a stranger or even a teammate. But I _cannot_ stand that happening to you. I can't watch you get hurt, that would _literally_ kill me. New York was bad enough, but Johannesburg? That's my fault! That's why I left! Because I know you'd never blame me, you wouldn't even understand and damn it if that doesn't make me love you more than should be humanly possible-"

  For the second time that night, Bruce thought he deserved to be slapped upside the head for stupidity and have his certifiable title of ' _genius_ ' be revoked. They'd been a hair's breadth away from each other, so close he could taste her perfume on his tongue. He saw how despondency and hope warred in Toni's eyes, the latter growing stronger with each word that left his mouth, finally winning over with whatever he said last. He really should have seen it coming. But he'd been so caught up in making her understand that he had no idea when her hands had crept up his chest to still over his heart.

  But all conscious thoughts left his mind as chapped lips met his and, just like that, he was kissing her back.

  Toni was cold; she'd been in the rain for quite some time before he came out. But in spite of that, he felt gentle warmth, no, a hot fire spreading through his body as their mouths moved together in a heated frenzy. Suddenly not caring that by keeping this up, Toni would realize the exact depth of his feelings, Bruce tangled one hand into her hair, using his grip to pull her head back as he abandoned her lips to nip at her jaw. His other hand slipped under the thin layer of cloth, pressing against the small of her back so her body was bowing against his. Toni had her arms around his neck and every one of his senses was overwhelmed with _her_ ; her bare skin brushing against his neck, her soft whimpers loud in his ears, the taste of expensive wine on her tongue that he licked away as he kissed her again, the movement made even smoother because of the rainwater collected on both of them. Every nerve ending in his body was alight with electricity, his skin tingling with every drop of water, and he could feel her heart beating wildly against he chest, knew that she could feel _his_ and-

  Oh God, his _heart_. Paralyzing dread filled him as he realized the full extent of his mistake. This. Was. _Dangerous_. His heart rate had escalated to Hulk-out levels. It was a miracle that the Other Guy hadn't come out her, but he wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. He had to leave. _Now_.

  But his body was betraying him, aching with the urge to pull Toni indoors and get as close to her as possible, because he knew she would let him. Scientific reason told him that he wouldn't Hulk-out. After all, he'd kissed Natasha at Clint's house _(God forbid Toni ever found out, because really, what had he been thinking?),_ and they'd both been half-naked. His heart told him that he couldn't leave now, because Toni had kissed him and he'd kissed back. She loved him, or at the very least, felt something a little more than friendship. Leaving now would be cruel, it would be breaking her trust completely.

  But Bruce wasn't listening to either. Keeping her safe was more important and Natasha had never affected him the way Toni did. He had to go.

  Toni shifted in his arms, slowing down to a deep, calm kiss that hurt so damn much. He had two options: Push her away or pull her closer. ' _Push or pull, Banner,'_ he told himself.

  Slowly, even as he continued kissing her, he moved his hands to grasp her forearms. _Push_ or _pull_. The Hulk howled at the edge of his conscious, a heavy influence on his choice. _Push_ or _pull_. Toni mumbled something that sounded a lot like his name, not even bothering to break apart. Her voice vibrated against his throat and the sound felt a lot like a knife through his heart. Toni shifted to get a better hold on him, her fingers scratching the small hairs at the back of his neck. _Push_ or _pull_. At the same time, he took a decision and his arms flexed with movement. _Push_. Or. _Pull_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone wants to guess what Bruce's choice was???


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of everything.

  Two years again.

  Bruce honestly thought he should just hand himself in at the nearest government structure to save time for the people looking for him. This time it was because of some guy called Dr Doom _(seriously, how did they even come up with these names?_ ) and his robot minions. The Fantastic Four, a quartet of the several new supers having appeared in the last half-decade, thanks to the New Avengers Initiative and the Accords, had asked for backup. Apparently, this time, Doom had help from some outer-space entity, so the Accords council has asked for both the Hulk, as well as his own help in figuring out a way to hack the robots, which had a strangely organic make-up.

  To his surprise, it had been the recently pardoned Rogue Avengers who had picked him up. It had been an awkward ride, at best, since Bruce had torn into every single one of them almost immediately: Wilson, for having his head turned by the legend; Barton, for coming out of a retirement to fight a battle that had nothing to do with him; Romanoff, for stabbing her team in the back; Maximoff, for sheer stupidity and mostly, Rogers, for leaving Toni grievously injured in a dead suit in a cold desert. He didn't how much he'd gotten through to them, but at least, he'd gotten it off his chest. At least, they knew what they would be dealing with if history repeated itself.

  So, that was how he came to be standing in a room with Reed Richards, Susan Storm, Hope van Dyne, Loki, Peter Parker and Maria Hill. The heavy hitters were all spending time getting to know each other's fighting style in the training room, while the scientists, the mage, and the Director of Shield, were busy discussing theories and praising each other's work.

  All except Bruce.

  Bruce was on his toes, jittery, as if he'd swallowed ten cups of coffee like they were shots. He was waiting, waiting for the missing person.

  Living on the road, Bruce had always made it a point to keep abreast of current affairs. Listening in on the news in coffee shops and food stalls, grabbing newspapers, occasionally, the internet if he could get hold of a publisher computer; it all helped when he eventually rejoined the world. This time, it had been easier. Since he was no longer hiding from anyone, he didn't have to sneak around. Also, to his immense suprise, when he'd checked in at a run down motel after having landed in Nepal two years ago, a parcel had arrived with his name on it.

  Opening it with trepidation, he'd found documents labelling him an employee of Stark International, a black credit card, and a note with familiar writing: ' _I'll know if you don't use it. You can guess what I'll do then._ '

  He'd recognised the not-so-subtle threat in the note: _use it, or I'll come find you and drag you back_. There was no saying if she would actually follow through, but why take the chance? So he'd used it, slightly petulant that she knew where he was, but also guiltily pleased that she still cared enough to keep an eye on him.

  He'd been tempted to call her right then and apologize: for running away, for kissing her and then leaving her in the rain, for not being brave enough to stand by her. But he'd resisted, knowing that the instant he heard her voice, he'd want to run back to New York.

  So he'd relied on media. He knew what to expect. Toni had not only taken back the reins of CEO of SI, she had also, in addition to being a leader of the Avengers, earned a seat on the World Security Council. She was, quite literally, on top of the world. More importantly, Bruce knew she had a special camaraderie with nearly each member of the Avengers. And he didn't know whether he would fit in her life anymore.

  "I'm just saying, go simple," a voice could be heard and everyone in the room turned to the door, while Bruce got an overwhelming sense of déjà vu, as Toni walked in next to Dr Strange. The déjà vu increased when he realized the tailored blue suit and pencil skirt she was wearing were the same ones she had worn when they'd first met on the hellicarrier. "Christine likes the small gestures. You've already got the perfect ring, now invite her over for a romantic dinner and ask her."

  Dr Strange looked half-way grateful, half like he wanted to gag Toni. When she continued speaking, he gestured wildly towards the room, making her pause and look around at the audience.

  "Oh, the Doombots, right," she muttered, in sudden realization, before smiling. Within minutes, she was giving orders, as naturally as if she'd been doing it her whole life.

  "Hope and Susan, you two try hacking into them, see if you can piggyback onto whatever frequency they're operating on. Better yet, Susan, you used to work with him, see if you can find the channel he uses to control them."

  "Stephen, Loki, you guys get to work on the alien part of it. Try not to kill each other while you're at it. Reed, you'll work with them _and_ babysit them. If I don't find them in perfect condition, you're footing the hospital bills."

  "Peter, you and I will be working on the biotechnological aspects, figure out how to beat them."

  Bruce felt hurt and jealousy warring within him. Toni hadn't even glanced at him once since she'd entered the room. Granted, he wholely deserved that. But he'd been expecting barbed insults and bitter arguments. He would have preferred that to this pointed pretence that he wasn't there.

  Then, she turned to him. The cheerful attitude gave way to a stiff politeness. "Dr Banner," she greeted. Her tone was pleasant and it felt like it was stabbing Bruce in the chest. "You'll be working in my labs with Peter and myself." That was all she said before turning on her heel and walking off, Peter right on her heels like a starstruck teen, and Bruce was forced to re-evaluate. Deliberate ignorance was better than the formal behaviour that said she wanted nothing more than to forget everything that had ever happened between them.

 

* * *

 

  "Kid, you're going to knock yourself out if you keep playing with that hammer," Toni reprimanded, barely glancing up from the humanoid metal arm she was tinkering with.

  "Super reflexes and super strength, Miss Stark!" The teenage superhero chirped. He looked away from the moderately large hammer he had attached to a web, spinning it around like a bizarre yo-yo, and beamed at Toni. Immediately, the hammer lost momentum and landed on his head, inciting a sharp yelp of pain.

  "Peter!"

  Both Toni and Bruce left their respective stations to dash towards him, though Bruce hung a bit back to let Toni hold him.

  "Um, ow, um..." Peter blinked twice, then shook his head in a tiny motion. "I'm okay! I... Think?"

  "Want me to take a look?" Bruce offered tentatively. Toni hesitated briefly, then gave a sharp nod and scooted to the side, giving him room to kneel down. Intellectually, he knew nothing had happened, but he also remembered how close Toni and Peter had been. He checked him for signs of concussion and swelling, but Peter had been right. His enhancement had protected him. "He's fine," he assured and Toni glared at Peter.

  "That's it," she declared. "You're grounded for one day. No lab entry. FRIDAY?"

  " _Noted, boss_."

  "But Miss Stark!" Peter began to whine, but the raised eyebrow he received shut him up. " _Alright_ ," he grumbled. "But, when you say, one day... You mean just _today_ , right?"

  "No, I mean exactly twenty four hours," Toni stated with a mockingly sweet smile. "You're not allowed in here until..." She glanced at Peter's watch. "5:17 pm tomorrow."

  With a sigh, more dramatic than actually sad, Peter stood up. "Bye, Miss Stark, Dr Banner."

  They were left in an awkward silence. Toni was the one to break it. "Thanks for looking him over," she said. "I mean I should have known it'd be nothing and so did you obviously, but... Thanks."

  "I knew you'd be worried," Bruce replied evenly.

  Toni sighed and got on her feet to drift back to her table. Bruce followed, not wanting any more distance between them than what was socially acceptable. "Are you going to be like this with me forev- whenever we have to interact?"

  "Like what?"

  "All formal and polite, like... Like just colleagues or business partners?"

  Toni gave him a side glance from under her lashes and Bruce could almost feel the faint tickle from where they'd brushed against his skin when they'd...

  "Well, there's no point in being anything else, is there?" Toni's cold question broke him out of his thoughts. "You're going to leave again and as a scientist, I should know better than run an experiment again and again when I already know the results."

  He should maybe have felt a bit affronted at being called an experiment, but he'd always understood her analogies better than most.

  Toni sighed, spinning a screwdriver between her fingers. "Look, I'm not angry at you, okay, not really." She spun on her seat to look up at him, her voice much softer now. "I don't really have a reason to be. You can't trust me to keep safe with you around and I can't trust you not to leave me again if I let you in. Even I'm not masochistic enough to think I deserve that. So why bother?"

  Bruce didn't have an answer. This was what he'd wanted Toni to understand since the beginning: that she wasn't safe with him, that he was trying to protect her by staying away, and that she deserved better; someone who could love her right, without having to be careful. And she did understand now.

  "I loved you," Toni continued in a whisper. "Still do, in fact. But it doesn't matter, anymore. Never did. And I don't want you to leave again. So, if staying away is what keeps you here, then so be it. If that's not enough, then there's nothing more I can do."

  He wanted to tell her the same; that he loved her more than he'd known was possible, that she was literally all he'd dreamt about for so long. That he suddenly wasn't sure if it would be worse to leave and not see her everyday, or stay and watch her fall in love with someone else. But he didn't say anything. He gave a short nod, and excused himself. Walking to his temporary quarters, he allowed himself his tears. Yes, she understood his reasons now, but it broke his heart to know that he had finally pushed her away for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a different ending planned, but this happened. _Maybe_ I'll write a follow-up someday. Feel free to tell me what you think happened next, please.

**Author's Note:**

> My Tumblr: bad-days-and-beautiful-nights


End file.
